Well, well, well… Look who decided to join the fucking party a little late. Welcome, my Disney Degenerates, to the absurdly belated ramble-fest adventure that is Mouse Rants! You might be scratching your goddamn head, wondering why the fuck we’re starting a blog a whopping nine years after the podcast began and three decades after blogs were considered cool. But hey, who needs timely decisions when you have an abundance of questionable judgment and an insatiable fucking appetite for Disney-related tomfoolery? Strap the fuck in, my friend, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the comedic time warp that is Mouse Rants.

The Absurdity of Timing:

Let’s address the elephant in the fucking room—yes, we’re a tad fashionably late to the blogging game. In fact, we’re so late that even Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage turned into a rancid old husk by comparison. But fear the fuck not, dear reader, for tardiness is our fucking superpower. While those limp-dicked amateurs were busy jumping on the blogging bandwagon years ago, we were crafting our uniquely inappropriate brand of Disney humor, perfecting things that bloggers perfect, and honing our ability to roast every character, but also marshmallows. So, forgive our sluggardness, but consider this blog a vintage gem of comic fucking gold.

The Relentless March of Time:

Ah, the passage of time, that relentless motherfucker that reminds us of our perpetual obsolescence. We’ve seen the rise and fall of blogging empires, witnessed the emergence of new media platforms, and somehow managed to cling to our podcasting roots like stubborn barnacles on the hull of the good ship SS Mouse Rants. But you know what? We’re fucking proud of our resistance to conformity. We’re like the Peter Pan of the blogosphere, refusing to grow up, adapting at our own goddamn pace, and reveling in our outdated charm.

Let’s not sugarcoat this shit—we’re fully fucking aware of the inherent absurdity in starting a blog nine years after our podcast began. It’s like showing up to a costume party wearing last year’s Halloween costume. But here’s the motherfucking thing: stupidity can be endearing. It’s the charm that makes us relatable. So, join us on this hilariously misguided journey as we prove that it’s never too late to embrace the absurd and unleash our off-kilter humor on the unsuspecting world.

In a goddamn world saturated with bloggers, vloggers, and social media influencers, busy sipping their pumpkin spice lattes and waxing poetic about their curated Instagram feeds, we’re setting sail on the sea of irrelevance. It’s a fucking ocean of forgotten hashtags and abandoned blogrolls, but we’re unfazed. We’re like Captain Jack Sparrow, sailing our ship into uncharted territory, armed with wit, sarcasm, and a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. We might not have the numbers or the trending topics, but we have something far more fucking valuable—our dedicated community of Disney-loving misfits who appreciate the unconventional.

Another Fucking Paragraph Heading

So, my dear fellow latecomers, welcome to Mouse Rants, the fucking blog that defies all logic and revels in its belated glory. Let’s celebrate the sheer audacity of our timing, laugh our asses off at our own stupidity, and create a vibrant community where adult comedy and Disney converge in a perfect storm of fucking hilarity. Join us, as we boldly plunge into uncharted territories, unleashing our irreverent and profanity-laden Disney rants upon the unsuspecting masses, let’s embrace the sheer audacity of our late arrival to the blogging scene. We’re the rebels, the renegades, the twisted minds who find humor in the unholy union of Disney magic and adult comedy.

Strap on your Mickey ears and prepare to enter the demented wonderland that is Mouse Rants. We’ll take you on a rollercoaster ride through the dark underbelly of Walt Disney World, where princesses have secrets, talking animals have filthy mouths, and the “happiest place on earth” hides a twisted sense of humor. From eye-rolling news to dissecting the hidden meanings behind Disney movies to infuriating music to exploring the not-so-magical realities of theme park experiences, we leave no sacred cow unslaughtered.

Now, if you are not a fellow Degenerate just yet, you might be wondering who the fuck we think we are, starting this blog so late in the game. Well, my friend, we’re the misfits, the outcasts, the ones who never quite fit into the mold. We don’t give a damn about whatever the fuck everyone else is doing, or schedules, or routines, or conventional success. We revel in our own irrelevance and wear it like a goddamn badge of honor. We’re the punk rockers of the blogosphere, flipping the bird to conformity and injecting a much-needed dose of chaos into the Disney universe.

So, buckle up, fellow Degenerates, and join us on this wild and wicked ride through the unhinged corridors of Mouse Rants. We may be late to the party, but we bring a keg of profanity, a barrel of laughter, and a twisted perspective that will leave you simultaneously entertained and questioning your life choices. Welcome to Mouse Rants, where we break all the fucking rules and give Mickey Mouse a heart attack. Let the madness begin!

– Later fuckers!!!

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